My Fictions : August Fulton

In 1901, August Fulton who just got into a famous university loves to engage in debates and any kind of discussion and that is how he met his new best friends, Tony Brawals and Edward ‘Eddie’ Thornton, both came from rich families and so does August or usually called as Gus, they attend parties and a matter of discussions together at all times, until Tony dies ‘cause of a disease, curable but his body was just not strong enough to hold any more pain, his death brought Gus and Ed closer.
Gus is a charming young man, really tall for his age among his friends and well-built, ladies are fancying him but he only dated two or three girls before he went to college, he has a pitch black hair and a pale white skin with pretty aquiline nose and thin lips, his eyes are downturned and pale blue-colored, he has this tiny mole on the left side of his upper nose that makes him even more attractive, he is almost the same as Tony but Tony is blond and not as tall as Gus while Ed tends to be the smallest guy among Tony and Gus, he is tall like any other guys but still not as tall as Tony, moreover Gus, he is skinnier but fit and is a redhead but not too obvious, he has a very masculine voice and is good at singing or making a speech, most ladies are fancying him more than Gus himself since Ed is highly charming with his nobility and aristocratic self that can be seen from the way he talks, thinks and act, he talks like a fine gentleman and always put ladies in the first place.

Two years after Tony’s death and they’re almost graduating from the university, Gus invites Ed to his house for the first time and introduces him to his family, his mother and younger brother, Gus has been a close person when it comes to his family so it was a weird approach for him to bring a friend, at least a male so his family wouldn’t hope too much on him getting married too soon.

It was during the summer in Hughten, the residence for the Fultons where Gus and Ed spend their times together closer than anyone else, they joke around a lot and hit each other like usual boys’ fighting but sometimes they fight each other as if they really have a problem, it was usual for them to have a nose bleed or blackened eye, but besides that, they enjoy spending their times by reading books and discussing it, Gus’ younger brother, Merritt often joins them even though he does not care about their discussion but to ask about the ladies in London, “how desperate are you?” Gus mocks him, “just see” Merritt challenges his brother.

One night after accidentally found and read a book about taboos in Europe, Ed finally has gathered all of his courage to ask Gus about their “friendship”, oftentimes they both look at each others as if there’s something different, Gus would try to hold Ed’s hand and act as if it was an okay stuff, it might be an “Okay” stuff but it stopped being Okay after Gus likes to sleep on Ed’s thigh when there’s no one around, however Gus seems not to make any further approach which is torturing Ed so much because he is curious himself.

“Why only do this (caressing Gus’ face) when there’s no one around, what are we?” Ed asks after they had debated about the book that he had read before, the book that made him brave to ask such question to his own very best friend, he could’ve lost him easily afterwards but he thought “better late than never”, “you are a straightforward person, aren’t you? ‘twas nothing, don’t worry yourself or they’ll declare us a crime” Gus denies any speculation from Ed because he knew exactly what it was and how England was pretty strict on it. Ed nods his head and walks away, “w-wait” Gus shouts but Ed ignores anyway.

“Why ask if you knew the answer already?” Gus asks while he closes the door in Ed’s room although it’s a guest room, “how would I know? I have zero experience in this” Ed whispers to himself, “I can’t hear you”, “let’s face this as a real grown men, nothing happens and it was just a close friend’s move, I can understand that, now let’s get this over with and we’ll be leaving for London peacefully” Ed explains, “close friend’s move? Where did you even learn about that? Nobody did what I did to you, not even a male family member, unless you’re a woman” Gus says, “and you are so sure of that yourself” Ed laughs but his mouth is shutted by Gus’ sudden move on kissing him, Ed hardly move but to accept his kiss, “tell me that was a close friend’s move too, yeah?” Gus smiles and waiting Ed to smile too to avoid the awkwardness and to see if he was rejected or not, Ed stands still and sit on the bed, “you’re still processing this, I’m sorry” Gus runs away to hide his embarrassment.

The next day while on their way to London in the horse carriage, “I’ve been trying to reveal my feeling for you but it all stopped when Tony..” Ed confesses, “you changed, we were closer of course but not the same, as if Tony was a bridge for us but his passing had created a new bridge, a different kind” Ed continues, Gus is about to make a sudden move to Ed but he pushes him away, “we are in public” Ed says, “what are we?” Gus laughs trying to mimic Ed’s previous question when he first brought up a topic that led to whatever they are now.

Since their revelations on each other’s feelings, they don’t do anything strictly together as often as before to avoid any suspicion, usually every weekend, they would go to a ruins of an old castle with huge scenery around it, it is the same castle for the last few years, usually called as Careham Ruins and not much people go there since most people think it is just a ruins. They only explore the castle for minutes and spending most of their times in the gardens and the open-yard with pretty tall grasses covered with few trees and rivers but safe enough since they never encounter a snake afterall. They don’t do sexual intercourse besides kissing as they agreed to play it safe although Ed sometimes insists for more, it was just like a hetero relationship, Gus was an aggressive one at first but now it is Ed who seems to rule their game better, insisting to kiss each other when there’s a chance whether it was a very dark hallway or a quiet library’s aisle. “Do not forget, whatever happens” Ed says while laying his head on Gus’ chest, “you’re not afraid people will see us here almost every weekend?” Gus asks and look around the meadow of the Careham Ruins, “I know this, you saw how we got in here, you think any couple with female in it got time to fix their dress just to get in here?” Ed jokes, “what about males? Boys that like to explore the forest and to find out about the hidden meadow behind it” Gus says, “maybe they’re like us” Ed tries to calm him down, “but I’ll quit worrying myself, there’s you here and that matters” Gus smiles and exchange their position with Gus on top of Ed now and kissing him then his neck while also hugging him, “I could sleep here all day” Gus whispers, “maybe we could runaway and make a living in here” Ed jokingly suggests, “yeah right if only we could make a secret passage and hide this whole place forever from those people” Gus says.

After they graduated, Gus stays to work at London while Ed is making a living in Portsmouth, their distance is not so far so they visit each other at weekends and to spend their times in Careham Ruins once in a few months, Ed’s family is now close to Gus’ already as they would have dinner together at any events involving their houses. “Philly is getting married soon enough” Mr. Thornton, Ed’s father announces, “oh that’s wonderful!” similar responses show up with Ed rises up to give his sister a small congratulation speech and appraisals. After the dinner, Ed is in the bedroom with Gus with the door half open so people would not suspicious much, they share a kiss a little and is about to discuss about what’s going to happen next, then a servant comes to tell that Mr. Thornton is calling Ed to his work room.

“I’m going to ask again, Edward” Mr. Thornton says, “oh father, quit this, you know I’m at the peak of my career and I will not let any women to ruin that” Ed explains, “women do not ruin, they help you to even raise up faster and better, no suspiciousness from people and you would certainly keep your blood safe with a child at least” Mr. Thornton explains, hinting clearly that he wants Ed to get married and have a child to avoid the suspiciousness around people on Ed’s close friendship with Gus, “what suspiciousness? You distrust me? What of you and Gerald? Should I make a suspicious move on you two now?” Ed asks, “you know that is even different! Gerald and I started our close friendship after each of us got married already!” Mr. Thornton shouts, “Quit this and I don’t want to know more, bring a girl next time you come here or not at all” he makes it clear that Ed is being kicked off until he brings a fiancee at least.

“I don’t even want to come home anymore, my sister can keep the house” Ed explains with bitterness while they are on their way to London in the horse carriage, “I heard” Gus says, “shit, from who?” Ed curses, “servants, your father is right, maybe he trusts us but you can’t lie that we are making no obvious move”, “we aren’t so clever, aren’t we?” Ed sighs and rests his head on Gus’ shoulder.

While being away from each other for at least two months now, they are keeping their distance deliberately to avoid the suspiciousness until it eases a little, however they do not realize as time goes by, their relationship is also easing itself and they start to less writing to each other until Ed comes to a realisation that their relationship can’t go on, “even if we want this to go on, we should do it safely by marrying another, maybe it will make things easier, easier to forget too” Gus reads Ed’s letter and rips it apart, “bulls!” he curses, the next morning he quickly takes a ride to Portsmouth.

“Ed!” he knocks on Ed’s apartment, “come” Ed’s voice from inside, “I’m receiving letters, you know what are they?” Ed asks without even look around to see if it is Gus or not, “explain yourself, what’s all this about?” Gus asks while handing him the letter, “I do not want this, we never even talk about our future together, we are reaching our mid 30s, do you even notice?” Ed asks, “what changes you?” Gus asks with fear upon his eyes, “adulthood, growing up, realisation and many more! My sister couldn’t get pregnant, Gus!” Ed says assertively, “and those letters are?” Gus asks with little hope in him, “intros from ... women, these keep coming almost every two weeks since our last departure from Thornton House”, “and what’s your plan?” Gus is out of words and sit on the chair starting to burst out his tears quietly, so quietly, “have you even tried? Even a little to any women?” Ed hardly asks with small voice, “that is a joke question right there” Gus laughs with tears falling down his face, “you know how long have we been together and you would want this to end just because your sister can’t produce an heir?” Gus asks, “you’ll understand but you won’t”, “of course it’s your father, you care about your family name, Oh I can totally understand that, absolutely!” Gus shouts and runs away but then he comes back kissing Ed passionately with them spending their last night together, even though they only made out but they knew it was the last time they could ever do such thing before focusing on finding another. “I will always love you, Ed” Gus stares at him but Ed could not stare back, Gus is starting to cry and put on his coat, “just remember, it was you.” He leaves. “For everybody’s sake” Ed whispers to himself as he sheds a tear.

After their separation, they started over for a new friendship as they still need each other in every way, their families are more welcoming to one another better than before after Ed is engaged to Virginia Fawcett, Gus is hurted so much but he holds it as he tries to open his heart towards another women. He takes a little vacation to France to also visit his uncle there, to forget his past with Ed even if it is a hard thing to do. “I admit, it is hard, very hard indeed but you should realise that here... this is a country that you need” his uncle convinces him, the only person besides Ed who knows the true nature of Gus that he likes the same gender, “I can’t, I love England too much, it has been always that way though… it will be hard, especially after they offered me a bigger position, and I also have to be the head of my house” Gus convinces himself.

While taking a walk with his very old uncle around the Parisian neighbourhood, he sees a women walking by herself with a bag, pretty peach and brown dress with no hat at all to cover her male haircut, so manly but neat even without the dress, people would fail to notice that it’s a lady, thankfully she wears obvious makeup on her lips even though it tends to be a very dark red almost like it was blended with a charcoal and pretty cuff earrings, some people are paying an attention to her even though she cares nothing, “who is that, uncle?” he asks, “she is pretty known around the residence, she rents a room here and work pretty hard for herself, I heard she’s moving back to England next month, unique woman” his uncle compliments the lady, “moving back? Is she from England then?” he’s being curious, “indeed, let’s hope our english people are kind towards her, she is unique and kind, very kind, we’ll miss her here”.

“Stien is her name, she came from a noble family, a small one in Welmingland, I forgot her family name” Uncle explains and try to memorise her identity, “you fancy her, do you?” he asks, “certainly, it was like a love at first sight, I think. She’s not gay, isn’t she?” Gus makes sure, “no, she isn’t. She made it pretty obvious since she comes and go with different guys sometimes, and kissing with them too, free women of Paris, I presented you” he laughs, “and... Welmingland, its familiar. One of the girls who sent an intro letter to Ed came from Welmingland, obviously not her, right?” Gus makes sure again, “we don’t know that for sure Gus, but as far as I know, she has been around here for years so there’s no way she would have sent a letter from Welmingland instead”. Instead of waiting for his uncle’s more explanation on the girl whom he fancied about, Gus comes directly to her at morning with a single flower in front of her door before she goes to work, “May I introduce myself?” Gus asks, it seems very old-fashioned as she is holding a laugh, “aw that’s so sweet, may I help you?” she tries to respond politely at least, Gus holds down his flower and offer her a handshake instead, “proper gesture (giggles)” she handshakes him, “I’m August Fulton, please to meet you”, “please to meet you too, August. I’m Stien Bassen” she smiles, “oh wow, the Bassens!” he is surprised as he knows that the Bassen is a unique family, they send their daughters away for an education and career to be independent, also still have to work even after they got married already, some said it is savage but it’s a clever thing to do so that the women don’t depend on men too much in case something terrible happens, “your family is very ahead of our time, it’s wonderful” he tries to compliment, “I’m late to work, but it’s nice talking to you, August” Stien cuts his words, “oh well, can I come? I mean ... where do you work?” he asks, “then come to see it yourself” she smiles and they both walk together for the rest of the morning until she arrives at a library where he can literally sit all day staring at her, admiring her unique beauty, she has a slightly warmer skin than most people there, a very dark lower lips blended with charcoal, reddish blushes on her cheeks, and her male haircut which is very controversial but looks beautiful on her anyway, it shows her face better since she has a bit chubby and round face with skinny body, she has a shape of a hourglass but still skinny.

For days, Gus comes to the library and he writes letter to Ed about this Stien whom he crazied about, Ed replies happily even though they both know they hurt each other by still sending letters and pretend as if nothing ever happened between them for years since college.

At evening, Gus would accompany Stien to have a small dinner by the sidewalks, and they have countless of date around Paris until she has decided to go back to England, with Gus who is happily to accompany her with his uncle.

Arriving in Hughten with his uncle is a bit disappointing to his mother and brother, “still no girl, even from France” Merritt mocks, “there is but she isn’t coming here for now” uncle helps to explain, “hear that” Gus mocks Merritt back. “So, who is she? What is she likes? Tell me everything” Mrs. Fulton and Merritt asks during the dinner, “don’t be surprised later, I’m still convincing her on coming here” Gus doesn’t explain much and straight going upstairs to his bedroom once the dinner is over. Gus is sending multiple letters to Welmingland with no replies but three weeks later, a single woman alone has arrived to Hughten, Mrs. Fulton send a letter to Gus and Gus quickly come to Hughten to greet her, she stays there for a month at least with many approach and weird flexes that she has, “what do you think?” Gus asks, “she’s beautiful but way too unique and ... what’s the word?” Mrs. Fulton asks, “eccentric” Merritt answers, “she’s a career woman!” Mrs. Fulton complains, “what’s wrong with that?” both Gus and Merritt ask, “how is she supposes to take care her children then?” Mrs. Fulton wonders, “have you heard her family name? it’s Bassen” Merritt defending Stien, “oh well... I need time to discuss this as you both realise that you don’t have sister to care for you later” Mrs. Fulton worries.

“Am I offending your mother?” Stien asks while holding hands with Gus, they both walk to Gus’ favorite private garden usually to avoid his brother’s noisy mouth, “Yesterday when you were away, your mother and her fellow friends talked about ... premarital relationship, I disagreed with everything that they had said” Stien explains while Gus is stroking her soft and extremely short hair, they both lay on a carpet with high grasses, “what do you mean?” Gus asks and later kissing her neck softly while she tries to explain, “I’m not a lady, not a proper one, as they said or as people say. In Paris, I discovered about myself and had fun... with only one guy though, the rest is just, just to fill my emptiness a little”, Gus is being quiet for a minute then smile, “I know, my uncle told me about it, though I do not know about the premarital stuff but I had suspected a thing or two involving that, besides, you are a free woman of Paris, you look like a guy and you act like a guy these days, .. or those days” he explains, “w-what? You accept me fully? Knowing that it would risk your family’s name if you wish to... continue all this?” Stien is surprised, “yes, I love you and there’s no need to question that” Gus says while at the same time he is assuring himself about his love towards Stien, is it just an act or is he really mean it? Truly from his heart? Like he had with Ed, both Stien and Gus kiss each other with Gus loves to be on the top of her, dominating her completely and try to see what he likes in her, he kisses from her stomach to her chest, it was all fun to him until he reaches her breasts, “it is not a man” he says inside his head, he sees her face, “beautiful, a total beauty as a lady and as a man”, he sees her hair “a man’s” which he thinks is probably why he admires her so much because her little resemblance to a man, the small masculinity that she has, her attitude that loves to dominate everything and talk about sex so freely unlike any other women, but then he observes her breasts, is he falling in love to her hair? To her character that resembles man those days? he touches her breasts with his two hands, squeezing, stroking, poking and kissing it through her pretty dress but then he tries to open it, “oh oh (giggles) what are you doing?” she asks, Gus is out of words, confused about himself, he has never seen a women’s breast before and it is his first exploration, he doesn’t want to stop himself until he finds the answer if he loves her for her masculinity or her full self?, “I intend to keep this for my future husband, thank you” Stien politely rejects, “but I am to be your husband” Gus says, “not yet” Stien claims, Gus kisses it one last time and continue his lips toward her face, her lips and being playful with her tongue, pressing her head to the ground and move his kisses to her neck with his hands still exploring her breasts.

“Such a splendid news” Mrs. Thornton says, “Gus is getting married” she continues, “her name is Stien Bassen, Bassen? Interesting”, “oh that’s terrific! We should visit them next week” Ed says acting as if he’s being all excited about that even though in his heart, it burns a little. “Nope, they’re the ones going to visit us, it says right here, oh we should prepare everything. Maddie! (calling for head servant)”, Ed is trying to calm himself and hide it with his smile, he goes to his room and cries with holding his handkerchief to his mouth so he wouldn’t make any sound at all, he continues to write a congrats letter and his expectant on Gus and his fiancee’s arrival later. “Oh, and Ed, send a letter to your sweetheart Virginia, you can at least have someone to hold your hands with while your best friend comes with his love” Mrs. Thornton says.

“I love you and we cannot wait for your return later, as the lady of this house” Merritt says while giving a small kiss on the lips to his sister-in-law, “As I cannot wait to introduce women to your doorsteps” Stien giggles, “hopefully ones from Bassen, they’re wild, it’s a compliment” he smiles but Mrs. Fulton hears it and hit his shoulder, although it seems that Mrs. Fulton complains about almost everything on Stien, she still wants her son to get married especially when he’s reaching his late 30s.

While arriving in the Thornton house, both Gus and Stien are greeted well by the servants and the residents of the house especially from Mr. and Mrs. Thornton itself, “I’m so glad to hear of this, Ed, Virginia (calling for them)” Mr. Thornton says, they all greeted each others while the servants are talking quietly in the back, “she’s a man!” servant 1 says, “beautiful, but different” servant 2 says, “just the hair, you judgers!” servant 3 defends.

“She’s beautiful, and unique with her own way, I heard about the Bassen. You really like to be dominated, are you?” Ed jokes, “we dominate each other as we complete one another, you couldn’t do that with your Virginia anyway, you wouldn’t understand” Gus says and reach for Ed’s hand, “are you forgetting us?” Gus asks then he kisses Ed’s hand softly and slowly, “I knew it! You love her because of her resemblance to a man, aren’t you? Her resemblance to me?” Ed asks, “she’s different and she’s definitely a resemble to herself, not to you or anyone” Gus defends his fiancee, “I heard your engagement is going to take a pretty long time” Ed tries to change the subject, “yes, she has to get a job in here first and I haven’t met her family yet” Gus explains, “you still remember my date? Don’t late, you’re my best man” Ed says, “best of what?” Gus asks, “are you really trying to start this again? we are doing great in this, we can actually continue while marrying another! See the bright side” Ed suggests, “I can’t do this to Stien. You are heartless Ed, like you left me just to give a child to your family, and like you’re playing with Virginia’s heart, I can’t do that, I’m not that kind of man, if you want me, then we’ll have each other without any involvement from any ladies, I don’t want to hurt anyone” Gus says and leave the room.

Gus continues his walk to Stien’s room and kissing her passionately, Stien pushes him onto the bed and open his blouse while kissing his whole chest, he continues to kiss around her and finally to her breasts that turn him off instead, he pushes himself away and goes back to his room for a sleep. In the middle of the night, he couldn’t get to sleep as he confuses himself with his sexual orientation and keep imagining Ed, he decides to sneak on Ed’s room where he sleeps beside him, observing his beautiful curly red hair and thin lips, he touches Ed’s lips while Ed doesn’t even mind, he kisses Gus instead and they both take off their clothes to spend their night together, to actually spending it with an intercourse for the first time.

Both Gus and Stien is staying for the next week so they could attend Ed’s wedding, but as time goes by, Stien notices that Gus has stopped giving her much attention as before, he would kiss her as usual but it’s different. While Virginia is away, Stien is all by herself in her room most of the times rethinking about everything, is she really loves Gus or not, she wants a passionate love but she couldn’t get it for now, perhaps Gus understands and appreciates her decision to avoid premarital intercourse again, perhaps, she tries to see on the positive side at least.  Until there comes the time when she decides to go home, to go back to Welmingland, “we really wish you on a safe trip” Ed says while giving her a small kiss on the lips, “we’ll miss you, can’t wait for your beginning (wedding)” Mr. and Mrs. Thornton say while Gus approaches and making out with her in front of the Thorntons and the servants, “indeed the Bassens are courageous” one of the servants whispers referring to a lady’s bravery on making out in public outside of marriage, “*coughs, it’s getting dark soon” Ed says indicating that he maybe a little jealous, Gus pushes himself away while Stien is still longing for a kiss but she looks at him one last time and see the changing in him, she looks away and goes inside the horse carriage.

The night after that, Gus and Ed have an argument and Ed is showing his envy attitude too obvious, “can you make sure it was just an act?” Ed reassuring him, “yes it was, she’s a passionate woman and of course she would miss a kiss like that, could you at least be clever a little if you want this to go on?” Gus shouts, “Virginia isn’t like that, I can make sure I would only do an intercourse with her during our first night together and I won’t do it again after that, for the sake of an heir, stupid heir”, “don’t be like that” Gus says, “not my full decision on marrying her anyway” Ed continues and kisses him to end their fight.

Arriving in Welmingland, Stien is getting a job at a boarding school’s library and meeting her new acquaintances including Robert, a scottish man who is one of the lecturers in there, he is very tall and well-built with pale blue eyes and curly black hair, “unmarried, attractive, and the only guy who seems to pay more attention to you than anyone else” Amanda, her cousin makes a conclusion, “oh Manda, I’m engaged, have you forgotten that too?” Stien laughs while they’re laying on the grasses near the Welmingland’s lake, “I’m having my 5^th child now and seeing you here still with a single status, it’s sad to me, as your family. You got a job now already, what are you waiting for?” Amanda asks, “our wedding is supposed to be held at the end of this year, there’s no further discussion for that, besides we both still need some time” Stien explains, “what time? Those times are only making you both doubt to each other, just quit it and start the wedding earlier, it will make things better, is it a matter of love? Love grows eventually, you see Charles and I, we didn’t love each other but we do now because love grows, it grows, yes grows” Amanda explains, “that’s not me, I can’t go on like that, what if we fail? There’s no turning back and divorce is… I intend on having zero divorce for my whole life” Stien says, “we always have different mindsets and I appreciate that. But seriously, stop wasting your time”.

While her mother is cutting her hair, Stien receives one letter from Gus, it is not even full page and he only explain about Ed’s wedding, Stien doesn’t feel sorry that she didn’t come to Ed’s wedding, but somehow she feels bad on why she doesn’t feel sorry at all, “waste of time” she says to herself, she decides to take a journey to London where she would likely to interrupt Gus’ working days after he took a long holiday at the Thornton House.

“I’m getting a job already, I told you about it through the letter” Stien says while holding his hands but he refuses because he’s being busy, “oh yeah, I read” Gus responds, it disappoints Stien so much that she pulls his face to kiss him then she let go and feel nothing, he only smiles after the kiss and continue to write on whatever he’s been working on, “you should visit me sometimes, and meet one of my colleagues, Robert Watson, he’s scottish” she says, “sure, I’ll take some leave again and see if it will affect my wage” he says and she doesn’t take it too well, “we are restraining our relationship even better, it is better if I leave now, I’ll leave you to your time, perhaps there’s another lady to attract you” she quips and quickly leave, of course Gus chases her and accompany her to the train station, “job.. has been distracting me, please be understand, I still love you and there’s no lady anywhere to interrupt whatever we have” he kisses her but only for a few seconds, Stien doesn’t even want to kiss back and she smiles, “perhaps that was a farewell one” she says to herself.

“There’s an opera, and I bought two tickets, how’s that?” Robert asks after Stien told him about the changing in Gus, “you really bought two? Definitely was not for me, who’s the lucky girl before?” Stien asks, “my mother, she was about to visit me but family business” he smiles and wipes her tears, “shit, ugh nevermind me, let’s go” Stien agrees to go to the opera with him. While enjoying the music, “you know, even though there were males around me back when I was still in Paris, I always go to the theatre and opera alone, this is probably the first time I ever go with someone, someone close to me at least” she smiles and Robert holds her hand, “I’ll always be here for you” he’s stroking her hand and she realises one thing, that Robert is fancying her and deep inside her heart, she likes him back.

“Maybe I should write him a letter” Stien says to forget what started to happen between her and Robert, “uh yeah, of course” Robert says pessimistically, when the horse carriage is approaching Welmingland, Robert is still holding her hand and move his face when she was about to kiss his cheek for a farewell, resulting in both of them to kiss each other on the lips, Stien backs away for a minute while Robert is apologizing so deeply but she kisses him back with an open mouth passionately, Robert accepts the kiss well and wrapping his arms around her and later hugging her while she’s crying, “I don’t want to go home” Stien still sobbing on his chest, “sure” Robert calms her down and ask the coachman to continue their destination to his neighbourhood.  

While in Robert’s house, Stien seems a little surprised by it’s simplicity, he’s a decent man but a commoner, she doesn’t mind it all anyway, “sorry for the little mess, was working on something, the students found out about the answers somehow, probably one of the tutors” Stien cuts his words by kissing him while he raises her up to the bed and they both start to open each other’s clothings, they continue to have a wild intercourse as an impingement of Stien’s longing on having a passionate relationship again. “I feel so guilty, I’m a joke to my family” Stien whispers while laying her head on Robert’s hairy chest, “you’re so beautiful, how can I resist you?” Stien asks while he’s stroking her hair, “I should be the one saying that, you’re engaged and I knew about it, people knew about it, and... I don’t really care to be honest” he says, “I love you, it saddened me to know that you are engaged when the first time I met you but I don’t want to give up, it feels like you came out of my dream” he whispers, Stien still being quiet not knowing what’s about to happen, “but of course we wouldn’t work out, won’t we? I’m a commoner and you are? Part of one of the strongest house in the country, everyone was shaming me for trying to befriend you” he explains, “stop, stop lowering yourself, we are the same, I can do whatever I want, there will be an obstacle but... I’ll overcome it” she reassuring, “we, we will overcome it” he fixes her words, “and I never done this before, was I doing it right?” Robert asks.

Stien doesn’t tell her affair to anyone else yet, she feels like she’s being a foolish, although she was never so sure about her relationship with Gus from the very start, and now for the first time she feels like she’s in love so fastly, she didn’t feel that when she was with Gus but with Robert, he’s crazy, soft and different, as crazy as she is even though he was still a virgin until their first night after the opera, she would bring him to Welmingland proudly, it brings suspicion among the servants but her family is the kind that ignores rumours even though they despise it if it’s real especially affairs.

On the other hand, Ed visits Gus in London for sometimes, “fix your relationship with her now, can you?” Ed convinces him, “I replied her letter already but she hasn’t replied back, can’t you wait?” he asks, “it will be miserable to both of us if I couldn’t keep ignoring Virginia and you stay unmarried?” Ed says, “what do you mean you couldn’t ignore her? Do you love her now?” Gus starts to get angry, “it’s not getting well between us now, and I certainly couldn’t keep ignoring her knowing now that… hmm, divorcing isn’t my option, it has been the plan, you forget?” Ed explains, “that was the plan but what was the point of you telling me that you couldn’t ignore her? You know you could still stay married but not really involving with her romantically, are you forgetting that too?” Gus asks while knowing what the answer is, “you dumped me twice, how fool am I?” Gus says, “she’s getting suspicious and she’s… pregnant” Ed informs him, Gus stares at him in emptiness and politely ask him to leave, “and my father died, right before he knew he was about to have a grandchild, but we… we could still do this, Gus. Just … with another way. You can always visit me and Virginia… and you could be my child’s godfather” Ed continues, “and to continue all this just by being friends? AGAIN? I’m not playing this again Ed, I can always pretend in front of people but in front of you? Not again. please leave, I should’ve brace myself for this, and I’m sorry for your father’s death. And... I don’t think I could go on pretending with Stien like what you were suggesting on us” Gus says, “what? You’re not going to get married? It went so well but now this? Gus don’t ruin this, even if we couldn’t get together like this, at least you have someone to love and care for you” Ed complains but Gus doesn’t want to cry in front of him so he pushes Ed out of his room and locks himself then starting to burst into tears knowing that even though he has been trying to face the fact that Gus would have to give a child to his family eventually, he still couldn’t accept that it actually comes true and also to face the fact that Ed was suggesting for another friendship again, to pretend as a completely normal friend even if there are only two of them in an empty room, he doesn’t want to live the fake friendship that he had with Ed for the second time. It is the end of everything to Gus, he loves Ed too much, he threw his love to Stien away, was it even called love when he isn’t sure what it was? and the difference of the one he has with Ed and the one he had with Stien? Gus falls into an easy depression again, not knowing what to do, he visits Welmingland to reconnect his relationship with Stien.

“What are we now, truly? It is nearly the end of the year, nothing is advancing” Gus says, “you’ve been busy at work, I heard the last time, guess it lasts better than us” Stien makes a conclusion, “I’m gonna have to say something Stien” Gus says, “I love you, I’m sorry that I have disappointed you but can we just … I don’t know, it didn’t work well, and you know it, right?” Gus continues, he starts to get red on his face holding his shame about telling a confession to her, he trusts her so much even after he hurted her, “I’m not the Gus whom you knew”, “Gus, what is it?” Stien asks while seeing his face is turning red as if he’s holding back some tears but he doesn’t cry, at all, he continues his words “I love Ed”, things are getting strictly quiet and Stien’s eyes are getting teary instead, “you’ve been pretending…” she says with broken voice, “I.. I tried to find the love from me in you but I couldn’t” he fails to hold back his tears and nod his head down with his hands covering his eyes, not making any voice at all, he still try to look strong even though he cries, “Gus… Gus..” she says and reaching his face with her two hands, holding his face and facing it, “we are such cowards, aren’t we?” Stien laughs and kiss him on the lips, “that’s okay, sshh Gus, it’s okay” and she hugs him afterwards.

They both lay on Welmingland’s private garden, still hugging each other, “I love Robert” Stien whispers, Gus removes his arms from hugging her and smile instead, “I’m glad for you” Gus kisses her forehead and they continue to take a nap together throughout the evening while the snow has come and they start to run for the house, laughing and kissing again for one last time.

While letting go of both Ed and Stien, Gus is trying to overcome his depression with much reading in the library and trying to avoid any ruins that resemble Careham or any places that are familiar to his past. Two months later on some usual morning, he receives a letter from his mother announcing that Merritt is getting married right after he told her about his failed engagement with Stien, she was certainly disappointed and pushed his little brother to get married instead. After arriving in Hughten, he is greeted well by his brother who looks extremely happy “I couldn’t let you miss my wedding” Merritt says, “who is she?” Gus asks, “Bonnie Northcott, my childhood friend, remember her? Of course you don’t” Merritt tells him, “I remember, I attended her wedding few years ago when you couldn’t make it, what happened? She divorced?” Gus wonders, “yes… well her husband died since he was like two decades older than her”, “poor her, I heard she has a child already” Gus wonders again, “yes, three and you know I love children so I don’t mind. I love her Gus”, “Yes I know, I’m all happy for you” Gus says, “mother isn’t, but Gus… I’m sorry about you and Stien, birds saying that one of the Bassens is being removed from it’s family by law, is it her? I heard she married a scottish commoner… or a highlander? I don’t know the term” Merritt asks, “what? I do not know about a family name removal, I’ll ask about her later, right now it is for you and your beginning” Gus hugs him. While Gus is writing a letter to Stien and asks about how is she doing with her family and Robert, his mother calls him to greet the incoming guests from the Northcott family, behind them there’s the Thornton but no Eddie and his pregnant wife Virginia, behind the Thornton, there’s the Chester, it would be a grand wedding afterall since Merritt has grown into a very successful man with his widow Bonnie who also has lots of fortune from her late husband. After seeing the guests arriving, he fixes himself and walks downstairs to greet them along with his mother and Merritt, they’re having a small dinner afterwards and his mother introduces him to 3 ladies at different times, before the dinner, there’s Mary Willars, she’s the cousin of the representation from the Chester, the second one is during the dinner whose name is Katherine Northcott, a direct sister from Bonnie herself, third one is during the serving of the desserts, Olga Melie, an american actress who is related to the Chesters. To keep his image, Gus is pretending to be interested in Olga and keeping her a company throughout the night until one guest arrives so late at the end of the midnight, it is Piers-Conall Andersen, an english-danish entrepreneur who happens to be Merritt’s former college buddy, Merritt greets him so well even though he’s terribly late for the day although the wedding is to be held the next day. While Merritt is excitingly greeting his old friend, Gus is standing near the door while holding a glass of wine until Piers accidentally hit him with his arm that made the wine spills all over Gus’ shirt, “Shit, I’m so sorry (he takes a handkerchief from his own pocket then trying to wipe it through Gus’ shirt)” Piers apologizing, “that’s a lot of wine” Merritt laughs, while nobody seems to pay an attention, Gus decides to just change his shirt but grateful that at least a handsome young man made him spills his own wine, he is attracted to Piers but he doesn’t wish too much as he knows that Piers may be a “normal” man, “you are.. Merritt’s brother, yeah?” Piers continues to ask while Gus is still deciding whether to change his shirt or not, “yeah, you must be his college friend, I heard” Gus replies, “I heard about your failed engagement with the Bassen, ungrateful witch” Piers giggles, “haha no, it wasn’t her fault, it was mine, I got myself too busy with work that yeah… well it didn’t survive, that’s the point” Gus tries to explain as short as possible, “I’m still unmarried myself, but I wouldn’t really blame you though, you’re still too young to get married even though Merritt is earlier than you now” he laughs, “too young? I’m on my exact mid 30s now, but I’ll take that as a compliment” Gus laughs, “well aren’t you an attractive man then, well I see the Fultons are having such good gene, I hardly see Mrs. Fulton as someone who is reaching her late 60s” he compliments the gene instead, “yeah well I need to get change now, enjoy the night” Gus smiles and walks away.

After the wedding at evening, most guests are still around until the next day while during the midnight, all of them are enjoying fireworks on the Hughten’s Yard, Gus is still alone and avoiding Olga who has been searching for him since yesterday, he enjoys every sip from the wine slowly while watching the beautiful fireworks and the moonlight, he is startled by the presence of Piers in front of him who is smoking and offering it to Gus, he accepts and they smoke together away from the crowd but not too far, “do you mind if I say that I’ll be staying in here for a while? Mrs. Fulton is offering the guests rooms for rent”, “yeah could be a hotel or an apartment, she doesn’t like when things get so quietly around the house”, “It is indeed a very large house, a mansion!” Piers laughs, “but no worries, I’ll stay for only couple of weeks, just to get myself away from work, and this is a great place, look at that lake, those trees, this large and neat yard, some markets and a theatre not so far from here, you’re so lucky you were born in here” Piers praises, Gus only smiles and continue to smoke while staring at the lake, “I’ll see you around” Piers farewells him for the night while Gus is still confused on what to talk about afterwards.

While Gus is giving a farewell to Merritt on his honeymoon, he is interrupted by Bonnie’s children and run upstairs to avoid them while Mrs. Fulton is fully delighted by their noisy and childish presence. Gus goes to a balcony that faces the lake and see Piers writing something on the balcony, “a poem?” Gus startling him, he stops and continues to write but giggling himself explaining about the poem that he’s working on, “just a hobby, I guess” Piers says, “okay let’s discuss a little about english literature then, I learned about it on college, years ago though” Gus laughs and they both continue to have an unstoppable conversation about english literature and poetries, and tragedies among ancient legends or myths like niamh and oisin although their favorite is orpheus and eurydice, “too tragic to even exists”, “but at least they were reunited in the underworld” Gus is calming the saddening situation.

For the few next days, they spend their times together as close friends and enjoy the company of Bonnie’s children while they’re waiting for Merritt and their mother’s return, they take the children to the theatre and museums while also teaching them a bit about literatures, “so boring” one of the children complains. “Gus? How’s Olga Melie?, have you written to her?” Mrs. Fulton asks while they all having a morning tea, “no, she hasn’t replied” Gus says, “oh and I received a letter from Stien Bassen, here it is” she hands him the letter, he reads it for a while with a smile on his face, “satisfaction of an ex, I hope?” Piers giggles, “Oh Piers” Mrs. Fulton smiles, “it is a delightful news, a bit tragic but still delightful, she married Robert and right now they’re having their honeymoon to Scotland, Robert’s homeland, her family may have removed her by name but she said here that her retiring parents even join her to Scotland, not to interrupt her honeymoon of course but to connect with Robert’s family” Gus explains, “what? What a weird one family, but still delightful as you said” Mrs. Fulton, “so she is removed only by name while her parents still love her for the way she is?” Piers asks, “exactly”, “imagine to live a free life like that” Piers says while it seems that he is adoring Stien’s life. After the morning tea, both Piers and Gus go on a ride together to a nearby field where they are planning on enjoying the landscapes but during the small expedition, they get lost in a woods, “at least it’s a pretty one, unlike those woods described as homes to witches and cannibals” Piers says, they both laugh but continue to stare at each other, Gus still on his horse leans besides Piers and they both lean on each other to share a kiss, and they continue their kiss to an activity where they hide behind bushes to do a sexual intercourse. After the action, they both lay still on the bushes and caressing each other, “why took you so long” Piers says, Gus only smiles and kisses him passionately afterwards.

Almost every midnights, both Piers and Gus visit each other and spend most of their times talking about the essences of life and about traveling the world together, “I’m going to start with Ireland, I don’t have anyone there but.. it would be nice to start a life there, even as a farmer”, “or you’re just reading books too much” Gus jokes, “I’ll make tea every morning”, “and I’ll deliver lunches to your fields, Piers the farmer” Gus jokes again, Piers try to make a hit but dismissed by Gus’ hand and Gus kisses him while holding his hand that tried to hit him tightly but their act is caught by one of the servants, Gus doesn’t even care even though Piers try to make a chase to the servant, “what.. oh no, no no no no no” Piers panicking, “calm yourself, old man”, “what do you mean ‘calm yourself’!?” Piers still panicking, “don’t worry about Mr. Berry” Gus says, Piers doesn’t believe him and Gus approaches him, “I’ve told you about my old friend Edward Thornton, right? He was my lover and we had been together for years, we visit each other’s family houses, only the trusted servants know like Mr. Berry, the one you just saw” Gus explains, “I don’t know what else to convince you more, but you’re safe with me, only Mr. Berry knows and another one in Thornton house whose name is Mr. Lucsie but he died few years ago I heard, due to an old age” Gus continues, Piers shakes his head, “this is my first, how did you manage to face all this so easily?”, “trust me, it is not easy” Gus claims then he hugs Piers while also stroking his neck with his face, “and do not try to explain me about that Edward again” Piers says while feeling a bit jealous of Gus’ previous long-term relationship, “I have you now” Gus holds his both cheeks closely to each other and kisses him.

The next day due to a bad feeling and uncomfort, Piers decides to head home and continue his work, before he leaves, Gus takes a seat inside the car and giving him a long farewell kiss, “I’ll see you soon” Piers says to him softly while caressing his face, “very soon I hope” Gus whispers and gets out of the car.

Gus and Piers continue their relationship through letters and meeting each other once every two or three weeks, their first encounter since Piers’ departation from Hughten is in London, Piers is visiting Gus and helping him on moving his stuff to another apartment where they spend their times together but mostly traveling the coast near London, it is a quiet coast with beautiful scenery and clean sands, cold but they enjoy every seconds, Gus is listening to Piers’ reading on his own poetry, then Piers listens to Gus’ political views and days of work, it isn’t need to be all touchy, they listen and enjoy each other’s presence is more than enough, it is a loving feeling that Gus gets to experience again but different because Piers always try to find the good in everything and teaching him about being grateful and to think of other people not more than yourself because when people let you down, all you have is yourself at the end, a deep mindset that Gus never seems to possess.  

The coast is their shelter, is their home to form their love even stronger and softer especially when they plan to build a cottage on a cliff in Ireland, they bought the tickets for the ship already for the upcoming month and have planned everything carefully through Piers’ journal.

Every once in three months, Gus has to visit his family and this time he does, alone again, “alone again” his mother complains when he arrives, “oh please, I’m alive and well and full of fortune, is it not enough?” he kisses his mother’s cheek, then he gets inside to meet his step nieces and his brother but he doesn’t see him, “hello Bonnie, where’s Merritt?” Gus asks, “he’s at the station to pick up his friend” she explains, Gus nods and runs upstairs to get some sleep.

“brrkk brrkk” a harsh knock on the door, Gus tries to wake up and reach out to the main door since his bedroom is the closest, he opens the door and there’s Merritt looking like someone who just fell and dragged by a horse, everyone comes out of their bedrooms not knowing Merritt just arrived, “outside.. ugh outside” Merritt tries to tell but overpowered by his tiring breaths, “breath well, brother” Gus tries to calm him down, “I’ll get some water” Bonnie rushes herself to the kitchen, “dear Merritt! What in a world happened to you?!” Mrs. Fulton shouts, Merritt starts to cry but without tears, much like a regret of a failure that he just did, he runs outside to show everyone what happened, Gus sees it and he couldn’t even blink a bit, his eyes turn red and he walks slowly towards the car, he yells with sorrowness as he reaches his love’s face, the bloody face and all ruined, he cries and still hugging Piers’ face while everyone still couldn’t believe what happened, Piers got into an accident on the road after walking out from the station before Merritt got to pick him, the road was too dark and quiet although there were some witnesses and it was a quick death of hit and run, and Merritt couldn’t calm himself while trying to bring his old friend’s body alone to the hospital with his car at the middle of the night, so he managed to get himself to Hughten first since the hospital is still far away.

During the funeral, Gus doesn’t say a word at all but to stare blankly at his picture and holding his handkerchief tightly, his brother holds his hand and hands him a journal, it belongs to Piers clearly, “I know he wants you to have this, he always talks about you. You have always been a great rolemodel to me, and to him clearly” Merritt says then he walks away with Bonnie and their children, Gus walks alone to the station to go back to London while crying loudly when the rain comes, he falls on his knee and kneel to the ground to share his tears with the soil.

A month later, they suppose to go to Ireland and Gus continues to go there by himself, bringing Piers’ unused ticket always in his wallet, he doesn’t build anything but he does spend his times mourning Piers so much that he couldn’t see people well with his swollen eyes, he swims by the coast alone, and again mourning. He spends two weeks there until he receives a call from Thornton on the news of someone’s death, his heart hurts so badly worrying that he would lost another love of his life too and quickly arrive in Thornton, he was worried too much during the journey that he passes out in the horse carriage right when it arrives already.

He sees a teen boy’s face on top of him with an old women behind, “shit!” he rises so quickly that he hits the boy that was on top of him, only the head though, “calm down, it’s been a long time” Mrs. Thornton hugs him, “where have you been?” she asks, “the guests are waiting, m’lady” the servant says, “I’ll be back, Gus” she farewells, “who’s dead?” Gus asks the boy whose head was hitted by him, “Young Lady Thornton, ser” he answers, “ugh no, what of her baby?” he asks, “thankfully survives, ser”, “where is he?” Ed’s voice coming from afar and closer, “you may leave now” Ed asks the servant boy, then Ed quickly falls to Gus’ arms while crying, “sshh sshh” Gus calms him down and wipe his tears with his hand.

Few months later, Gus is holding a baby boy by the pond with two servants standing behind, “come here, lil Tony, how cute you are, huh?” Ed comes and Gus is handing the baby boy to him, Ed kisses his face and the servants take him away to the house leaving the two Gus and Ed alone by the lake, “you look exactly like your father now, do you realise that?” Gus makes a comment on Ed’s growing beard, “problem is, Tony wouldn’t recognise me if I shave” Ed giggles, “no one recognises you with that beard” Gus says.

At the end of the evening, Gus is waiting for Ed still by the lake as he watches the sunset, he flashes to his old memory swimming with Piers on a similar lake in Hughten then he sheds his small tears and try to be grateful as Piers has always taught to him for what he is having now which is reuniting with Ed as lovers for good and no more obstacle. Ed comes to the back of a green house by the lake with his face clean shaven as he knows that is where Gus is waiting for him, they stare at each other and share a kiss, “what are we?” Ed asks while Gus is kissing his face, his neck and also hugging him, “just two people who love each other, simple as that” Gus answers, Ed whispers “I love you” and kiss his lips knowing now nobody can keep them apart anymore.

Photo Credit : Portrait of a Young Man - Wilhelm Bendz (1832)