Chapter III : Deaths
Just
successfully graduating the senior students this year, and one of my favorite
students whose name is Johan had also died the day before the graduation, a
funeral today. He was on his way to his hometown in France but had a road
accident before reaching the border, i can admit that im one of the best
painter in the college and im the closest to Johan, i can remember his face so
I paint his figure and giving it to his family in France, also writing about
his talents and achievements during his times in college and about his good
behaviors, what a poor fate, he’s almost as old as my brother and every time i
think of Anllex my brother, i cried, it’s like losing a real family figure and
im so failed on protecting him, it was all my fault, i should have not ran away
and left him, i should have never let the law people took him so easily, but
now all of it are just shadows that flow through in my head all the time, this
is a wound and i hope i can get cured but have no idea how. “Staying here in
Romania is only torturing you” said cousin Johanne when she visits me yesterday
while she was take caring ‘business’ with old friends in hometown, she knows
all my problems just like uncle Bernard, she knows how suffering i was when i
ran away from family, when mother put a hot clothes iron onto my left ear,
making it burned and smelled like a roasted flesh, she was there with uncle
Bernard and they saved me, i was 13 years old and quickly after recovering at
the hospital, the law people said that i’ll stay live with my mother and father
who only care about his younger wives, i quickly gather all my clothes and ran
away from that house, from everything that she had ever done to me, so badly i
left my poor brother there, i lose a connection to uncle Bernard and cousin
Johanne, but Grigonstantu family was there to protect me and claiming me as one
of their workers so my mother and father couldnt take me back. When i knew that
Johanne married a nice and generous man, i quickly contact her, she contacts me
too but had no idea that uncle Bernard hadn’t knew that i ran away from family
since 13 because they literally are not so welcomed in my sick family after
theyre trying to help when i was tortured.
Johanne
is having her 3rd child and also her second child had a birthday at the same
time, she invites me to their dinner in Britain, she even helps me to find
another art institution in Britain so i could move there, stay close with her
and uncle Bernard, they really loved me and somehow why i never realized that?
However, that fact doesnt relieve me, because i still feel guilty and i’d feel
that way for the rest of my life, i swore to myself to never hurt my child and
hurt my wife later if i’d still alive in the future. Johanne’s invitation does
not make me wanted to move there, i have something to do here in Romania, i
have to give something to Grigonstantu family, something so worthful but i still
had no idea what kind of thing should i give, i give enough presents i think
and i also help them in their daily home works, i take care the horse breeds
since i was good enough at it, and also about woods, i was a really good
carpenter, yeah let me put a little arrogance here, i was possibly the best and
youngest carpenter in the village, maybe the most handsome.
Last morning, Johanne told me about helping me, helping my inward problem, she’s paying meetings for me with a psychologist, like a counseling stuff, im not sure it’ll help me, i mean she’s like a counselor to me every single time she came here and i still feel bad about everything, i feel useless, worthless and a horrid brother. The psychologist’ s name is Diana Hurffman, a germanic women who independently live alone in this Romania, she’s a 48 years old women, she has 8 children and three of them had died because of diseases when she was in Germany while her other children are getting married, some of them lived with her grandparents, i dont know what’s the problem but i think she looks okay. For several times, she had been asking me about how i felt, how i frickin’ felt about it all, its not curing me, its torturing me, its making me sick and couldnt forget about it all, and one time i was so angry that i push the desk table away where her clients’ documents are ruined, again i felt guilty but then she held my hand and tried to kiss me, i kissed some girls before but this is a women whose age is even older than Johanne, it felt so awkward but all i felt was anger and somehow lust showed up when she approached me and i stared at her chest, she deliberately opened the top buttons of her blouse before, she continued slithering her hand onto my vital area, that stuff really rushed me to push her onto the desk and made out with her, i opened her blouse forcefully and pull her corset where i saw her beautiful and bouncy also big breasts, her nipples are pretty big and it tempted me to suck on it, with my own lustful initiative action, i even pulled her right breast and sucking on it as if she was breastfeeding me. Sucking on her nipples is a great feeling and somehow relieving, I continued with the action from my vital organ to push into her wonderful small self and penetrating as harsh as possible while she seemed to like it. About few minutes later, I came out inside her and continue by sucking her breast while still penetrating slowly until my organ turned smaller.
Then she told me to go home and not letting me fixing her stuff, she acted as if we didn't have sex at all and that was the last time I met her. The next day, she sent me a letter saying that I should forget about what had happened between us and that her husband is returning to the town. I don't understand why would she keeps maintaining her marriage, she told me that her husband had impregnated some women before and after married to her, good thing she cheated with me. I send her letter saying that moving might be the right choice for me to moving on anyway.
Another
funeral, William Shire, my lovely cousin Johanne’s husband just died killed in
a riot there in crazy London, frig it, i have to help her, I quickly take a
ship and sail there to Shire. It also terrified me to know that the man whom
she really loved, the man whom i also admired because of his generosity and
kindness just died in a horrible way, i wonder how is she now? How are their
children? I’ll help them of course, she will be the one who continues her
husband’s business but i know its hard for her because she just lost the
important part side of her life, poor her, i couldnt imagine how hurt it is.
When i arrive there, i got lost a little bit then uncle Bernard found me,
honestly i cried a bit during William’s funeral, but many people there are
crying harder than me so i dont need to hide myself. After the funeral, Johanne
told me that she rented the mansion she used to had with William since she
doesnt want to torture herself by staying there more longer without him there
for her everyday, but she promises herself that she will always take care the
place by visiting it sometimes, she asked me to accompany her, she raised me as
one of her most influenced assistants in her husband’s company. Just within
weeks, the mansion got rented quickly by an old couple with a child, theyre
called as Elhams and they are very friendly, the Elham old spouse are the
grandparents to the child they had, the child’s name is Batta whose parents
just died in an accident in Greece so now the Elham elders also known as the
Elham old spouse took Batta’s parents’ rights to take caring her, what a poor
girl, she looks very quiet and shy, I tried to entertain her and somehow she
followed me wherever i go.
To be
continued..
P.S
this was taken from my other site (a wordpress) https://yessiitrian.wordpress.com/.
Am no longer using the site.
Made
on September 4th, 2016
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