My Fictions : Willem, My True Lover

Being released from an institution that limits your life for almost 80% is wow for a religious purpose, I just couldn’t stop smiling after my grandfather picked me up but telling me a really bad news.., they told me that my family’s company had been ruined by our competitor whose name is Maddox, like a crazy lady’s name. On my way to my hometown called north Kezoch in Czechoslovakia, my family’s surname is Pisek, we produce fabrics from around the world, we have clients from India, Ireland, African countries and other countries with unique kind of fabrics, and our company’s name is definitely the Pisek Tkaniny (meaning Pisek Fabrics in english), while our competitor is led by a widow named Maddox Amoddi who is not even a local person of Czech, she’s from France and she made perfumes, but surprise surprise we found sold fabrics under her name and that’s just devastate us all who trusted her not to copy our product, and apparently people prefer her product because her fucking fabrics were lured with a fucking perfume so it would be more tempted by it’s permanent synthetic smell! What the heck!?.
So now, my family is going to find another way to negotiate with Maddox so she would just stop producing fabrics and just produce perfumes but somehow I still don’t get why would my family take me back from the convent, what’s my business here?.

At dinner, many of my family members were telling me of how beautiful I am, or how I look like a glorious and charming lady but still full of purity, and I think “that’s too much compliments but I’m sure they wanted something from their tempting words”, my mother took me to my bedroom after the dinner and introduced me to dresses, perfumes, lipsticks, and other feminine stuff, and all those stuff that I shouldn’t use during my 8 years in the convent. The next morning, I woke up too early but I am using the time to go walk onto the hills where they had this abandoned small school, when I was 7 years old, I called the abandoned school as ‘my home’, I was crying when they took me away from my home to the convent, the place I really hate. I don’t want to be religious, my family is not even religious, they just did it so people around would call me as a result of a good parental family for keeping their children away from wicked industrial life. I don’t even like economic life, I honestly like to do this one thing : to be in love. I recognize what love is when I was 10 years old, I oddly was attracted to Monsieur El Odden, he was around 18 years old and a visitor to my family’s factory, he was interested in our fabrics and yeah it broke my heart after knowing that he was actually going to buy our fabrics for his much older wife. After my brokenhearted experience with Monsieur El Odden, I haven’t experienced the same thing again especially in the convent, no boys there! It was like I was raised to be a single person for the rest of my life. Now, I don’t wanna get married, I just wanna be in love for a while, I want to play around.
This evening, Laurent my aunt takes me to the market and then back to the house to teach me about cooking, then I started to get suspicious if they, my family is preparing me for something that I wouldn’t like. So I decided to tell my family about my real skill : literature, I want to go to a college, maybe for a while I’ll have to attend a public school and yeah that excites me because there are boys there, and honestly I am interested in sexual behaviors, human natural connection, I have experienced it but failed to achieve the goal because of my age, now my age is a perfect age to get married, that means, I am fit to be in love with boys around my age or even better, older than me.
‘Modiart!’ my mother called me, I quickly run to our garden and she forced me to watch her way to plant flowers, she really likes roses but I always fantasize that I’d have black roses around my garden of my own house in the future and she told me ‘oh modiarty modiarte you are hilarious! Does this thing called literature had made you insane now?’.
Months already and I met boys, yes yes of course I was in love and the end always hurts but soon I moved on from boys and make plans for my future, I’ll become a teacher, a literature teacher teaching about language’s structure in lower school, school for children of course, I like children but I am starting to hate men.
I am sick and tired of being fooled, I don’t wanna be fooled again, I think I’ll just marry the kind of men that my family likes, “thats it! You got what you want! I know y’all want me to marry this filthy outsider’s son, right? For your frigging advantage! You got what you want!” I yelled during the dinner. I know from the start that they want to cooperate with Maddox’s company so we’ll get the advantages too, and I’m sure about it more when they tried to set up a private meeting between me and Maddox’s only child Willem, they’re just so foolish that they think I didn’t know, they just wait until I graduate and then just trapping me, I knew it!.

Weeks just passed and they were setting up the wedding plan, mother asked me several times if I’d like to meet Willem first so it wouldn’t be awkward for me to be with him during our first night, “there’ll be no first goddamn night!” I shouted.
When I talk about my wedding with my friends, they tried to entertain me, but somehow they made me feel uncomfortable instead  by led me to think that Willem is an old man that no one wants to marry, I do like older men but not that ‘kind’ of men!, and to relieved myself, I asked mother to set up an arrangement for me and Willem, just two of us.

I’ts the end of the year, so romantic that they set up the right time for us, they even set up a cottage, I was so nervous, nervous because of two : Willem is ugly or I am ugly. I sipped a wine just to drunk myself a bit but I ended up throwing up near the bushes, “so messed up” I said in my mind, but apparently, he was there already in the middle of the dark garden and a nearby cottage. He’s a redhead like Maddox, curly but interesting, freckles around his face and his detailed adam’s apple, his tall and skinny-kind of muscular type of body, and his sharp jaws, I thought all redheads are ugly but this one is nah, this one is wew, then a reflective word came out of my word once I look at his body from the tip of his toe to his head “wow”, he laughed and said sorry that he didn’t wear a tie. We decided not to eat the dinner and decided to walk around the garden, I told him about a drastic change of my life when I was in the convent and when I’m out of the convent, then we talk about a political marriage and assuming that our marriage would be an ‘economic marriage’ which I was trying to deny because I kept telling him that I could be in love, and what made me feel like I needed to fly is that he nodded and said “I did already once they talked about you”, maybe he was just trying to please me or such romantic but hopeless stuff but hey I tried to think positive anyway. I thought maybe he was around 28 years old but surprise surprise his age is as equal as mine but that doesn’t make me stop being attracted to him. Once the night is over, we tried to set up another plan for us to meet each other again and definitely just two of us.
The next day, I told my mother that I have a a group-arrangement with my college friends about a discussion, but she won’t listen and just letting me go easily, ah! I quickly took my horse and go to the place where I’ll meet Willem again as fast as I could that I fell from my horse and wounded myself, but good news, Willem was waiting for me not far from the road where I fell, he quickly ran to me and picked me up, we decided to swim together, yeah just two of us in a private pond, nobody actually owns it but it’s not too abandoned either, I was being so confident that I wore my best swimsuit and swim in it with him, he wore a short pants like a normal swimmer not like a vulgar swimmer like me. I asked him how was his education, then he told me that he came from a convent, his mother didn’t want him but once his mother realized that somebody has to continue her career, she took him from the convent and preparing him to be the successor of her glorious wicked business. Without us expecting it, we 'did' it for the first time, I felt so confident because I'll end up marrying him anyway so I did it, I did something with him that would anger the whole house that I lived in.
We continued to consume each other in the cottage near my house, in the pond again, then we realized that we’ll be married next year, it’d be dangerous if I get pregnant because bad news, my period is really late. Willem tried to calm me down when I was in a panic worrying if I’d get pregnant, then I relieved myself about the fact that our marriage is a promised-wedding so I think it’d be okay if I get pregnant because they wouldn’t care, yeah? I really hope so.
My friend, Julli was being suspicious about my weird behavior, she asked me if I’m alright several time and one time I burst into tears when she asked me that again after I get a small bleeding the previous day and I knew that it’s not a period blood. I told her everything and she brought me to her trusted doctor to check me up, and yeah just like what I have expected, I was pregnant.
Willem was not being calm anymore, now he’s stressed out, trying to figure out how to tell his mother about it, but he has a side-job, we could runaway and raise our child, we had all those plan gathered well, I even had prepared my suitcase until one morning, I had a huge bleeding and it hurts me so bad that I passed out, nobody knows what happened to me, I tried to cover it up by cleaning all the blood in the bathroom and act as if my stomach is really fine, but i know one thing, I lost the child.
There was this glad feeling but I also felt sad at the same time, Willem cried quietly and he hugged me, telling me that he’d never hurt me again, he told himself that making me feeling those pains of losing a child is as equal as hurting me for years, I told him that there was nothing to worry about, we’ll be trying next time after we’re married already.
One day, I heard a fight between my mother and Maddox, the next morning, my mother cried and trying to be calmed by my father, my aunt told me that there was a mistake between our family’s plan with Maddox that it made Maddox crazy and so easily she cancelled the upcoming marriage between me and Willem, she quickly packed her whole companions including her son Willem to move back to France, I didn’t even have time to say goodbye to him.
Everyday, and at every place here reminds me of him, my true lover Willem, I hope that one day we’ll meet again and finally start the life that we always wanted. After my graduation from the college, I decided to be a teacher in a place far away from my homeland that reminds me too much of him. I visited my far-relative in Venice, Italy who is my cousin Bernardine, she’s working as a tailor there and her husband is an architect there, I could stay with her for a while and trying to find a job as a teacher.
Months later, I finally get a job that fits me really well, even too well, I’ll have to educate children about the literature around Italy, how to love your own country even though Italy is not my country. Years later, I am interested in this new blond-strawberry haired kid called Hennos, he is a quiet child but when it comes to math, he can’t help himself but keep asking me questions. As a good teacher, I would have to manage a good friendship with my students’ parents, so I decided to set up a meeting with their parents at one evening.
There’s only one kid whose parents didn’t come during the meeting, and that kid is Hennos, I asked Hennos where his parents at and he said his parents are on their way here, his parents love Italy and decided to educate their child here, so I asked where is he came from, he told me he came from France, he literally rule two languages at his early age, french and italian, that’s terrific I think.
This morning, I slipped a lot of money in a letter that will be sent to my parents in Czechoslovakia, they cant stop questioning me when will I get marry? I told them that I just haven’t found the right one, but at the same time they try to tell me to forget Willem, I can’t. Today is supposed to be a holiday for both teachers and students but well I am a good teacher and I would stay to maintain the good friendship and co-working with my students’ parents, it’s time to meet french parents eh, Hennos’ parents. When I entered my office, there’s Hennos’ mother and I asked her where her husband is and she said he’s in the bathroom for a while, she told me that he was pretty much in shock after he read my name on my desk so she thought that maybe I’d recognize him once I saw him. Minutes later, I couldn’t stop smiling when I saw him.. my true lover Willem who is now a father of Hennos my student, the husband of Hennos’ mother, the husband of that kind lady who keep smiling to me and showing her beautiful eyes and kindness, softness of a mother…, I pardoned myself and ran to the bathroom, I kept crying for maybe an hour until Hennos himself knocked at the door and asked if I was alright, I told him that I was sick, I may have to cancel the meeting with his parents for a while and I’ll continue it on another day. When I came out from the bathroom, I stare at the windows and looking at a horse-carriage where Hennos and his mother were preparing to leave, and then someone touched my shoulder, it’s him.. Willem, he tried to hug me but “dont touch me.. please dont, just go” I cried again and ran to lock myself in my office, I couldn’t believe myself that for years I couldn’t stop thinking about him, I couldn’t stop forgetting him and at the same time I’ve been waiting for him while he continues his life with another better woman and seems like the happiest husband and father that I have ever seen, but at least he’s happy, the man that I used to love is now happy, no need me to ruin his life now.
To avoid everything about him, I left Italy and went back to Czechoslovakia through a ship, and when I got there, everyday I sat near the pond and remembering my old days with him Willem, my true lover. I cried and throwing away my tears into the pond, I oftentimes just swam and slept by the shores then going home with my weird-shaped eyes because of crying all the times.
My mother finally asked me why do I cry everyday since I came from Italy, I told her all about it and she said “I told you to forget about him, we all trying to told you that”, I realize that my family knew about it all this time and did not try to tell me about it! They think that telling somebody to forget someone is easy!? They think forgetting someone whom you loved is easy?! I couldn’t believe all this, I just wanted to die.
I took my horse to go to my lovely pond but as I expected.. I fell but this time is because of a shock of my horse from seeing a snake in the middle of the road, I fell but at the same time I fly which I land onto the soil near the pond where my head got injured real bad because of hitting that stone that it killed me instantly, my blood are flowing around the pond .. making it become the bloodiest pond, and my body lay without it’s soul on the soil.

P.S this was taken from my other site (a wordpress) https://yessiitrian.wordpress.com/. Am no longer using the site.

Made on November 13, 2016

Photo Credit : Seated Nude at Lily Pond – Louis Comfort Tiffany