Ah, a mistress, what’s the difference anyway? As long as I don’t
share a bed with the king also known as my own cousin King Sederijne and dearly
political husband. When I was a child, I have wished that I’ll marry a prince,
precisely Prince Cottedario who is now under the soil because my family won the
war, I thought that maybe we could bring up the peace by marrying him with me
but I realized that it would only bring up a marriage of convenience, no love
story or anything, not interesting, everything is about glory, glory and glory
but since that damn prince told me through a letter that he promised to marry a
countryside girl whom he had fallen in love with and he swore if the royal
family won’t let him marry her, he’ll push himself away from the throne, woah
what a tragic love story at the end because my family’s motto is to solve
anything that inquire a force movement with war, literally stupid but we have a
very smart war tactics anyway.
I heard about the disable child or failing infants from a couple who share the same family blood and my family does not want that to happen, my father literally doesn’t care about whether if the person who inherit his clan is biological or not as long as he or she is having the ‘name’, the ‘Dargin’ name, our family name. But my father does care about a disable child, he heard about the cases of such odd marriages like brother with sister or cousins, so my father is trying to avoid marriages between own family with this marriage of convenience, again. Father is lucky because he is married to a woman whom he really loved, literally a family but from a really far away relatives, and since I’m the only child, father is marrying me to his trusted man, my own cousin, he is five years older than me and I barely know him. I don’t like moreover love him, so does he.
After the official royal wedding and the only people who knew that it was a marriage of convenience is the Dargin family, royal ministers and some really important and trusted people of the kingdom, and I honestly have a fiancee, the only man I really loved besides my father, he was working hard far away from the capital, hearing that I’m married to my own cousin, he could kill himself but I knew how to act just before the wedding announcement reach his area, I came to him first and explain everything from zero to done with details, proofs and literally just everything, so my fiancee decided to have an official honest marriage with me there with my father’s acknowledges, I was really relieved and I had to go back to the capital while my husband is going to catch over. I have become two women : Vasilika Dargin, a fake woman who is a queen having a convenience marriage with her own cousin and no swears involved, and Vasilika Nefelo, the real me, a woman who married an economic gentleman and that marriage is done by true love.
Shortly days after my real marriage, my cousin also known as the king and my political husband congratulated me and swore to himself that he’d never touch me, also he is having a good friendship with my husband, my real husband named Kriss, the true love that I mentioned. Just a few months later, I got my period pretty late and people thought I’m pregnant but they thought I’m pregnant with Sederijne’s child but I dare to swear that I never even touch him, and of course it definitely is Kriss’ child but the next week I got a heavy bleeding and the doctor said that the infant had died, I got depressed and upon hearing that Sederijne is having a mistress while my husband Kriss does not dare to impregnate me again because he’s afraid if pregnancy would kill me because the first time that I ever had had failed and it almost killed me, so Kriss and I decided to adopt a child for our own not for the kingdom or as the heirs.
The mistress is called Celley, a young woman from Wergon Island and she’s 7 years younger than me, poor girl but I can see that Sederijne could love her and she would love him back, I knew that she is not just a mistress, she might be a true love to him and everytime I told about it to Sederijne, he would call me ridiculous for believing in true love stuff.
Today I’m having a fight with Kriss, he accused me that I’m a disobeying wife because of ignoring the household’s stuff which is stupid, he knows that I’m pretty busy as the queen and he doesn’t care about it at all and several times I witness him with this young and pretty women whom he called as secretary from his industrial company, ‘bullshit’ I said, but tonight, for the first time he laid his hands on me under the name of anger and vengeful, I couldn’t believe this, I quickly ran back to the castle meeting Celley and told her about everything, about how my husband is no longer the lover I used to recognize, I keep remembering the times when Kriss and I were young, how everyday he seduced me with poems, soft touches, kisses and promises, he swore to me that he’ll never touch infidelity, and I remember the day when I was 19 years old, we were talking near the lake in the countryside… his homeland, we were laughing and starting to plan our future and that is when we were starting to get steady, I made commitments while he drew a person who looked like me and he told me that the girl in the picture is our daughter in the future, I laughed and almost cry for happiness and then he touched my skin and told me how he would never dare to ruin it just a little or even more, he would take care of me from the little inches of my skin and to my heart, just everything and just how foolish I was for believing him, believing his craps, his romantic words but filled with nothing, look at him now, he’s hitting me, he’s cheating, I heard from people that he held a child once and looking like a happy father to it, and my mind was full of fears, thought that the child is the secretary’s child with my own husband’s, fuck it, I was about to kill myself but there’s Celley and Sederijne, the only best friends who actually there in my life.
After Celley was finally having a child and I had to declare it as my own with Sederijne, it made Celley sad and Kriss angry, he is getting mad, no longer as warm as we used to be before getting married, everything have changed and it’s killing me slowly, I asked him if he was disappointed of my infertility that he’s having a child with another woman, and again he hit me, I literally took a chair and threw it onto him that it left a wound on his face, he got angry and hid himself in the bathroom, looking at his face through the mirror, I felt so guilty and I tried to apologize but then I saw the bruises, the wounds I had from his brutality on my arms then he told me that his secretary is more ‘satisfying’ than me and how she gave him a real descendant not like me who gave him an adopted one and at that very moment, my whole mind is twisted, I am sad, I am suffering, and one more thing : I am mad, I saw a huge scissors and I took the opportunity.. a few moments later I realized I had to hide his body but I eventually cry, more suffering but it’s better than living with the different man, not a true love, I don’t believe in it anymore, it’s all bullshits just like what Sederijne said about my belief.
I confessed to Celley, she was in shock and she told me to calm down, and there’s Sederijne who decided to put me into ‘royal prison’ where every prisoners there treat me still like a queen, but they knew that I’d never become a queen again, I’ve killed my true love who is no longer a true love, a man I don’t recognize at all who had sex with another woman and having a child with her, I’ve been thinking.. why didn’t I kill myself, not him? Oh poor him, but anyway I used to love him and now not anymore. Every seconds I’m suffering, my mind is killing me, my memory is fading but I never forget the day when I was 19 years old near the lake with Kriss, the time... when we were starting to be happy together but somehow why I never expect such bad stuff to come like this, I miss my Kriss, I miss the old Kriss who used to love me for who I am and doesn’t care if I’m satisfying to him or not, who doesn’t care if I can give him a descendant or not, who would never hurt me physically or inwardly, I miss the old times, I wish I could go back.
Actually I could’ve survive the law and continue to be a noblewoman not a queen, but I beg to my father to execute me, to give me a death-sentence, I just don’t have any more passion to live, I literally beg to everyone in the court to just give me a death-sentence not freeing me but it won’t work out that way, so I decided to confess that I’ve killed so many females for approaching and having an infidelity with Kriss, and they give me one day to confess it all with details, and I had to lie, I really had to lie about everything just to die.
One night, a guard came up to me and asked me about my last wish, he guessed that my last wish would be death but he’s wrong, he’s really wrong, I told him how I really wanted to go back in time, to time traveling back to the day when I was 19 with Kriss near the lake, and killed myself right at that moment so Kriss wouldn’t have to get killed by his own wife in the future, so I wouldn’t have to disappoint anyone about my infertility, I just want to feel the little happiness with him again one time, just one time.. that guard looked at me and he set the bars’ door opened and took me into the woods I have never seen before, and in this woods, there’s an ancient huge tree, the biggest tree I’ve ever seen and there’s this small hole, really dark but I could see roots hanging around in it, that guard looked at me for one last time and said “I hope I can still remember you, my queen” and pushed me to the hole where I fell and right at that moment I am glad, I am relieved .. I finally died.
I heard about the disable child or failing infants from a couple who share the same family blood and my family does not want that to happen, my father literally doesn’t care about whether if the person who inherit his clan is biological or not as long as he or she is having the ‘name’, the ‘Dargin’ name, our family name. But my father does care about a disable child, he heard about the cases of such odd marriages like brother with sister or cousins, so my father is trying to avoid marriages between own family with this marriage of convenience, again. Father is lucky because he is married to a woman whom he really loved, literally a family but from a really far away relatives, and since I’m the only child, father is marrying me to his trusted man, my own cousin, he is five years older than me and I barely know him. I don’t like moreover love him, so does he.
After the official royal wedding and the only people who knew that it was a marriage of convenience is the Dargin family, royal ministers and some really important and trusted people of the kingdom, and I honestly have a fiancee, the only man I really loved besides my father, he was working hard far away from the capital, hearing that I’m married to my own cousin, he could kill himself but I knew how to act just before the wedding announcement reach his area, I came to him first and explain everything from zero to done with details, proofs and literally just everything, so my fiancee decided to have an official honest marriage with me there with my father’s acknowledges, I was really relieved and I had to go back to the capital while my husband is going to catch over. I have become two women : Vasilika Dargin, a fake woman who is a queen having a convenience marriage with her own cousin and no swears involved, and Vasilika Nefelo, the real me, a woman who married an economic gentleman and that marriage is done by true love.
Shortly days after my real marriage, my cousin also known as the king and my political husband congratulated me and swore to himself that he’d never touch me, also he is having a good friendship with my husband, my real husband named Kriss, the true love that I mentioned. Just a few months later, I got my period pretty late and people thought I’m pregnant but they thought I’m pregnant with Sederijne’s child but I dare to swear that I never even touch him, and of course it definitely is Kriss’ child but the next week I got a heavy bleeding and the doctor said that the infant had died, I got depressed and upon hearing that Sederijne is having a mistress while my husband Kriss does not dare to impregnate me again because he’s afraid if pregnancy would kill me because the first time that I ever had had failed and it almost killed me, so Kriss and I decided to adopt a child for our own not for the kingdom or as the heirs.
The mistress is called Celley, a young woman from Wergon Island and she’s 7 years younger than me, poor girl but I can see that Sederijne could love her and she would love him back, I knew that she is not just a mistress, she might be a true love to him and everytime I told about it to Sederijne, he would call me ridiculous for believing in true love stuff.
Today I’m having a fight with Kriss, he accused me that I’m a disobeying wife because of ignoring the household’s stuff which is stupid, he knows that I’m pretty busy as the queen and he doesn’t care about it at all and several times I witness him with this young and pretty women whom he called as secretary from his industrial company, ‘bullshit’ I said, but tonight, for the first time he laid his hands on me under the name of anger and vengeful, I couldn’t believe this, I quickly ran back to the castle meeting Celley and told her about everything, about how my husband is no longer the lover I used to recognize, I keep remembering the times when Kriss and I were young, how everyday he seduced me with poems, soft touches, kisses and promises, he swore to me that he’ll never touch infidelity, and I remember the day when I was 19 years old, we were talking near the lake in the countryside… his homeland, we were laughing and starting to plan our future and that is when we were starting to get steady, I made commitments while he drew a person who looked like me and he told me that the girl in the picture is our daughter in the future, I laughed and almost cry for happiness and then he touched my skin and told me how he would never dare to ruin it just a little or even more, he would take care of me from the little inches of my skin and to my heart, just everything and just how foolish I was for believing him, believing his craps, his romantic words but filled with nothing, look at him now, he’s hitting me, he’s cheating, I heard from people that he held a child once and looking like a happy father to it, and my mind was full of fears, thought that the child is the secretary’s child with my own husband’s, fuck it, I was about to kill myself but there’s Celley and Sederijne, the only best friends who actually there in my life.
After Celley was finally having a child and I had to declare it as my own with Sederijne, it made Celley sad and Kriss angry, he is getting mad, no longer as warm as we used to be before getting married, everything have changed and it’s killing me slowly, I asked him if he was disappointed of my infertility that he’s having a child with another woman, and again he hit me, I literally took a chair and threw it onto him that it left a wound on his face, he got angry and hid himself in the bathroom, looking at his face through the mirror, I felt so guilty and I tried to apologize but then I saw the bruises, the wounds I had from his brutality on my arms then he told me that his secretary is more ‘satisfying’ than me and how she gave him a real descendant not like me who gave him an adopted one and at that very moment, my whole mind is twisted, I am sad, I am suffering, and one more thing : I am mad, I saw a huge scissors and I took the opportunity.. a few moments later I realized I had to hide his body but I eventually cry, more suffering but it’s better than living with the different man, not a true love, I don’t believe in it anymore, it’s all bullshits just like what Sederijne said about my belief.
I confessed to Celley, she was in shock and she told me to calm down, and there’s Sederijne who decided to put me into ‘royal prison’ where every prisoners there treat me still like a queen, but they knew that I’d never become a queen again, I’ve killed my true love who is no longer a true love, a man I don’t recognize at all who had sex with another woman and having a child with her, I’ve been thinking.. why didn’t I kill myself, not him? Oh poor him, but anyway I used to love him and now not anymore. Every seconds I’m suffering, my mind is killing me, my memory is fading but I never forget the day when I was 19 years old near the lake with Kriss, the time... when we were starting to be happy together but somehow why I never expect such bad stuff to come like this, I miss my Kriss, I miss the old Kriss who used to love me for who I am and doesn’t care if I’m satisfying to him or not, who doesn’t care if I can give him a descendant or not, who would never hurt me physically or inwardly, I miss the old times, I wish I could go back.
Actually I could’ve survive the law and continue to be a noblewoman not a queen, but I beg to my father to execute me, to give me a death-sentence, I just don’t have any more passion to live, I literally beg to everyone in the court to just give me a death-sentence not freeing me but it won’t work out that way, so I decided to confess that I’ve killed so many females for approaching and having an infidelity with Kriss, and they give me one day to confess it all with details, and I had to lie, I really had to lie about everything just to die.
One night, a guard came up to me and asked me about my last wish, he guessed that my last wish would be death but he’s wrong, he’s really wrong, I told him how I really wanted to go back in time, to time traveling back to the day when I was 19 with Kriss near the lake, and killed myself right at that moment so Kriss wouldn’t have to get killed by his own wife in the future, so I wouldn’t have to disappoint anyone about my infertility, I just want to feel the little happiness with him again one time, just one time.. that guard looked at me and he set the bars’ door opened and took me into the woods I have never seen before, and in this woods, there’s an ancient huge tree, the biggest tree I’ve ever seen and there’s this small hole, really dark but I could see roots hanging around in it, that guard looked at me for one last time and said “I hope I can still remember you, my queen” and pushed me to the hole where I fell and right at that moment I am glad, I am relieved .. I finally died.
Not what I have expected, somehow I’m in this familiar place with my old clothes, and a mirror that I held in my hand, I looked at it and se myself, myself many years younger, I’m thinking .. I might be in heaven but I should be in hell right now, I killed someone I used to love and I lied to everyone just to get myself killed, then I heard a voice calling my name and then a dearly nickname, there’s only one person who called me that, my husband Kriss. I came up to him and it was the younger him, really different, with this vibe I really loved and being familiar with, he talked to me so softly the way I always like it, then I realize that I actually travel back in time, he told me jokes I precisely remember and those fake promises but it was making me relieved, this is the Kriss whom I actually loved not the Kriss whom I killed in the future.
For the last time, I feel this happiness again and I would never feel it again, I would never become a queen, I would never marry this man I really loved, I would never disappoint everyone, I would never be cheated, and I would never kill the one I really loved. After having a good laugh, good time, I spent my whole seconds by staring at him, smiling as if it’s the last time I breath and it’s true, I took a knife for the foods we had near the lake and killed myself right in front of him, stabbing my heart a few times and he tried to stop me but he failed, it’s for his sake so he wouldn’t be disappointed of my deficiency, so he wouldn’t be killed by an insane woman who used to love him, this is it, exactly like my last wish.
But that’s not me, I shouldn’t blame myself, that last act was
just in my head as I realized that I’m starting to let the previous future
ruins me if I actually kill myself, this is my opportunity to live my life
without believing guys’ promises too much, I took the knife and applied a
strawberry jam on my bread, eating it peacefully and left Kriss without saying
a word at all. Realizing that I wouldn’t be able to bear a child in the future
doesn’t worry me that much, it is not a flaw, not all women is capable to do
that and that is not making them less a woman, I started to believe in myself
more, saving myself with my narcissism.
However, few years after breaking up with Kriss when I was 19, I
changed so many stuff in the past that it really affect something so big in the
previous future, the future where I suffered so much. I started to care more
about low-class people earlier by using my privilege as a noble woman. Then, I
met Celley while visiting Wergon island with my father to help the poor people,
she was a slave apparently and my family released her from it, at least she didn’t
get to become a mistress in this future, we became friends and something
between us has grown oddly, something that I have hidden in the previous future
but somehow I didn’t notice much because I was too busy with Kriss, we later did
share a kiss and spent almost everyday being together in the same room or a
quiet place where there was an opportunity for something but this stuff would
enrage the whole royal family so I decided to call it off, hiding my true
identity by traveling the other side of the world as one of the diplomats from
my kingdom, definitely also to avoid Celley.
Later, the war that killed Prince Cottedario happened and my
orphan cousin Sederijne became the king and married his other cousin, not me
because I was absent in the kingdom with the rest of the diplomats, I changed
my previous future so much that I actually didn’t get to marry my cousin,
thankfully.
The world-traveling happened for 5 years until I receive letters
from my father asking me to come home, I did so because I also miss him and
mother so much and to deliver the accomplishments that happened during my
travels to another countries. One thing for sure happened again was my blooming
relationship with Celley even though she got married and has a child already
but her husband worked at the capital while she has decided to work as my loyal
servant along with her child after my return, we both opened our arms to each
other and I soon forget about my previous future, I really still am two women
now, not by name, but by different futures.
P.S this was made in my other site (a wordpress) https://yessiitrian.wordpress.com/. Am no longer using the site.
Made on September 29th, 2016
Photo Credit : The
Wedding Dress – Frederick W. Elwell (1911)
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